Big White Ass...at 6:15AM

Early this morning I was graced with the presence of a cow's ass outside my window. Way to start the day, right?. This, of course, caused me to be wide awake and my natural reaction was to run outside and get her out.
So, here I am in my underwear and a tank top running off the porch like a pissed off german shepherd barking (not literally) at the cow to get out of the yard. I step off the porch and I'm running around the house and I'm yelling "HAAAAAA HAAAAA" because that's what I was taught...anyway...I'm yelling and turn the corner and BAM!!! BIG BLACK BULL. Seriously. The most frightening thing I've ever had happen to me was getting chased by a cow...and now I'm facing a HUGE FUCKING BULL that just so happens start doing that weird charge hoof-in-the-dirt thing and my brain decides to trip out on me and stop working therefore I'm stuck there face-to-face with this huge black bull. What happens? He start making the weird noise bulls make, then the heifer I was trying to chase out turns the corners and they both start running toward me and my body just tries to absorb into the siding of the house, it was painful in case you were wondering. After they pass I gain my composure and try to get them out of the yard, at this point S is standing on the porch watching, and the bull is standing by our Rose of Sharon grazing and the heifer tries to break through the wood plank fence. Nothing eventful happens after this as they both leave the yard.

I then get proper clothes on and go to town to get a few groceries, upon my return I'm driving down our driveway and one of the calves is grazing on a weed that we had chopped and it looks like one of those cartoon flowers with petal limbs and a flower head...            
Like this...

 

See, she has clearly decapitated this flower thing as well as cleanly amputated the right limb. Gotta love our homicidal cows.


Well, C is awake and he's attempting to jump on the dog so motherhood calls.