Yesterday we decided to take a trip to the zoo. It was both mine and C's first visit and I believe I was more excited than he was. We woke up early and took the trek north then we arrived and the real fun began.
We got to the zoo and it started off with a pig rolling out the red carpet...it was cute but it gets better. We visit the elephants and take the trek through a few more exhibits and make it to the tigers. There's a big glass wall that lets you get super close to them and naturally I attempted to take a picture of C with the tiger in the background. After the 3rd failed attempt I hear S screaming "A, get him now." With a camera up to the eye of a mother and no tiger in sight my first reaction was we were all going to get mauled by this big fucking cat that looks agitated as hell as the small demonic humans were screaming and banging on the glass like a bunch of zombies. WRONG. My almost 3-year old son was screaming "Look at that big Son of a Bitch." Repeatedly. In the middle of a crowded exhibit. Thank You Papaw E for his wonderful vocabulary.
That was definitely my humor for the day, so I thought, until we went to Longhorn Steakhouse for lunch. C was eating his Kraft mac'n'cheese and French fries then all of a sudden he decides to share with the entire restaurant that he had to poop. Really bad, apparently, because he also shared with them that his "poop was coming out."
Yes, my son has a foul mouth, and no we don't laugh at/encourage him...but we're not mannered people and we have filthy mouths, dirty hands, and at least one cow poop stain on every article of clothing we own. My son may not say the prettiest words, but he'll be raised with a kind heart and practice respect.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Big White Ass...at 6:15AM
Early this morning I was graced with the presence of a cow's ass outside my window. Way to start the day, right?. This, of course, caused me to be wide awake and my natural reaction was to run outside and get her out.
So, here I am in my underwear and a tank top running off the porch like a pissed off german shepherd barking (not literally) at the cow to get out of the yard. I step off the porch and I'm running around the house and I'm yelling "HAAAAAA HAAAAA" because that's what I was taught...anyway...I'm yelling and turn the corner and BAM!!! BIG BLACK BULL. Seriously. The most frightening thing I've ever had happen to me was getting chased by a cow...and now I'm facing a HUGE FUCKING BULL that just so happens start doing that weird charge hoof-in-the-dirt thing and my brain decides to trip out on me and stop working therefore I'm stuck there face-to-face with this huge black bull. What happens? He start making the weird noise bulls make, then the heifer I was trying to chase out turns the corners and they both start running toward me and my body just tries to absorb into the siding of the house, it was painful in case you were wondering. After they pass I gain my composure and try to get them out of the yard, at this point S is standing on the porch watching, and the bull is standing by our Rose of Sharon grazing and the heifer tries to break through the wood plank fence. Nothing eventful happens after this as they both leave the yard.
I then get proper clothes on and go to town to get a few groceries, upon my return I'm driving down our driveway and one of the calves is grazing on a weed that we had chopped and it looks like one of those cartoon flowers with petal limbs and a flower head...
Like this...
See, she has clearly decapitated this flower thing as well as cleanly amputated the right limb. Gotta love our homicidal cows.
Well, C is awake and he's attempting to jump on the dog so motherhood calls.
So, here I am in my underwear and a tank top running off the porch like a pissed off german shepherd barking (not literally) at the cow to get out of the yard. I step off the porch and I'm running around the house and I'm yelling "HAAAAAA HAAAAA" because that's what I was taught...anyway...I'm yelling and turn the corner and BAM!!! BIG BLACK BULL. Seriously. The most frightening thing I've ever had happen to me was getting chased by a cow...and now I'm facing a HUGE FUCKING BULL that just so happens start doing that weird charge hoof-in-the-dirt thing and my brain decides to trip out on me and stop working therefore I'm stuck there face-to-face with this huge black bull. What happens? He start making the weird noise bulls make, then the heifer I was trying to chase out turns the corners and they both start running toward me and my body just tries to absorb into the siding of the house, it was painful in case you were wondering. After they pass I gain my composure and try to get them out of the yard, at this point S is standing on the porch watching, and the bull is standing by our Rose of Sharon grazing and the heifer tries to break through the wood plank fence. Nothing eventful happens after this as they both leave the yard.
I then get proper clothes on and go to town to get a few groceries, upon my return I'm driving down our driveway and one of the calves is grazing on a weed that we had chopped and it looks like one of those cartoon flowers with petal limbs and a flower head...
Like this...
See, she has clearly decapitated this flower thing as well as cleanly amputated the right limb. Gotta love our homicidal cows.
Well, C is awake and he's attempting to jump on the dog so motherhood calls.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Pretty calm day.
No craziness happened today...
We started off waking up at 6:15 so I could go for my morning walk with M. She had been up all night sick so we had to postpone =0( Then off to a place called "town" so we could get my check and spend $70 on 8 mowing machine blades...ridiculous, but you gotta feed the cows during the winter so I guess it's going to have to do.
Oh, so forgot about this rant: I had an awesome recipe on the back of an M&M's bag that we tried last night. The worst thing you can read on a recipe is waiting til you get to the very end then seeing "chill for an hour or overnight." Just fucking lovely, I wanted your damn delicious cookies NOW, not tomorrow morning or in a damn hour...RIGHT FREAKING NOW. So I read this and begin cursing inside like a filthy mouthed devil-spawn woman and secretly cry because I'm wanting these things immediately. So much so I had considered getting a spoon and sitting in the floor shoving the fluffy cookie dough in my face. I'm such a "chunk-a-dunk" as S so eloquently puts it. I love food...it's an addiction and I have no self-control...which is exactly why I'm tipping the scales at 200lbs but for fucks sake can't a lady be overweight and enjoy food for at least a couple of years? Just let me be fluffy and leave me alone while I eat my cookie dough...I can be fat for a while.
We started off waking up at 6:15 so I could go for my morning walk with M. She had been up all night sick so we had to postpone =0( Then off to a place called "town" so we could get my check and spend $70 on 8 mowing machine blades...ridiculous, but you gotta feed the cows during the winter so I guess it's going to have to do.
Oh, so forgot about this rant: I had an awesome recipe on the back of an M&M's bag that we tried last night. The worst thing you can read on a recipe is waiting til you get to the very end then seeing "chill for an hour or overnight." Just fucking lovely, I wanted your damn delicious cookies NOW, not tomorrow morning or in a damn hour...RIGHT FREAKING NOW. So I read this and begin cursing inside like a filthy mouthed devil-spawn woman and secretly cry because I'm wanting these things immediately. So much so I had considered getting a spoon and sitting in the floor shoving the fluffy cookie dough in my face. I'm such a "chunk-a-dunk" as S so eloquently puts it. I love food...it's an addiction and I have no self-control...which is exactly why I'm tipping the scales at 200lbs but for fucks sake can't a lady be overweight and enjoy food for at least a couple of years? Just let me be fluffy and leave me alone while I eat my cookie dough...I can be fat for a while.
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Just a tad disturbing...
So, yesterday we decided we were going to give all the cattle lepto shots...for all you people out there us country folks have been bred to believe this "lepto" makes cows breed better. So we rounded them up and this is where the fun begins.
It's 10:30 and it's already hot as sin outside. S and I got on our ATV's and start leading them up to the lot. Got them in easily enough. Now we start leading the cows in the barn in 3's and 4's...this is where it starts getting rocky. We get through a few and start gritting our teeth because we have a small heifer that is insane. Literally fucking INSANE. She is like the Charles Manson of the cow world kinda crazy. Anywho, get her in the barn and it's like a cow-nado...she's rearing and running into everything. I'm freaking out and literally jumping the beams in the barn all the while S's Dad and Papaw (at 75yo) are trying to wrangle this lunatic into the stable to get her in the head chute...needless to say by the end of it they all of bloody elbows (and I don't because I'm nearing the barn roof at this point with my mad climbing skills)...
On another note I manage to paint my finger and toenails after...needed to cover up the stained fingernails =0)
AAAANddd....thanks to my good friend Sarah D. I signed up for this neat little site called "Influenster" If you like writing reviews on free stuff you get click this little pretty circle below =0)
It's 10:30 and it's already hot as sin outside. S and I got on our ATV's and start leading them up to the lot. Got them in easily enough. Now we start leading the cows in the barn in 3's and 4's...this is where it starts getting rocky. We get through a few and start gritting our teeth because we have a small heifer that is insane. Literally fucking INSANE. She is like the Charles Manson of the cow world kinda crazy. Anywho, get her in the barn and it's like a cow-nado...she's rearing and running into everything. I'm freaking out and literally jumping the beams in the barn all the while S's Dad and Papaw (at 75yo) are trying to wrangle this lunatic into the stable to get her in the head chute...needless to say by the end of it they all of bloody elbows (and I don't because I'm nearing the barn roof at this point with my mad climbing skills)...
On another note I manage to paint my finger and toenails after...needed to cover up the stained fingernails =0)
AAAANddd....thanks to my good friend Sarah D. I signed up for this neat little site called "Influenster" If you like writing reviews on free stuff you get click this little pretty circle below =0)
Thursday, July 4, 2013
oh stethoscope, oh stethoscope...
Soooooooooooo, today a fucking steer calf got in the yard again, but luckily this time he was the only one. My only complaint was the little twat waffle ate our little weeping willow tree (and that shit just ain't cool.) OHHHH, and S didn't realize it had pooped in the yard until he stepped in it... Sometimes I'd prefer my cows dead in the freezer...
THE REAL DRAMA:
I am in a battle with choosing a stethoscope for nursing school. Apparently NEVER ask about steths, shoes, or pens from nurses or you'll get one hell of a debate started. I've heard people say, "Oh, you don't need the best...just use the one with the kit." Frankly, that disturbs me. I'm a young nursing student sheep and they want to throw me out into the world of nursing wolves and learn to auscultate properly, yet advise to get a cheap steth...I'm sensing something uncomforting here.
I am about 120% positive I'd rather buy a good 3M Littmann Cardio III and take my chances than buy a $20 steth that I turns out to be a waste of money and a setback to my education. I'm trying to learn proper skills here people!!! I've looked into Welch Allyn steths and a few others, but I'm still pretty set on the Littmann CIII. I compared it to the Classic II S.E. and even with untrained ears I could definitely tell a difference...that or I'm crazy. I felt the Cardio III had a better quality sound and a bit louder...again, untrained ears here so maybe I am just crazy.
But seriously, I really want to splurge on this freaking stethoscope sooo bad. But I have not even started nursing school yet. People will look at me during clinicals and think "What the fuck is she thinking? Buying a $170 steth and the bitch is still in school?" Or "She thinks that steth will be a good investment until she flunks out of nursing school and it becomes a paperweight." but honestly my biggest problem with the purchase is I want to get it engraved but just having a first initial and last name looks ridiculous to me. Because there it has no status or meaning. But then again those nurses worked their asses of for their title so I guess I'll earn my badge as well. FUUUUDGE DONKEY.
THE REAL DRAMA:
I am in a battle with choosing a stethoscope for nursing school. Apparently NEVER ask about steths, shoes, or pens from nurses or you'll get one hell of a debate started. I've heard people say, "Oh, you don't need the best...just use the one with the kit." Frankly, that disturbs me. I'm a young nursing student sheep and they want to throw me out into the world of nursing wolves and learn to auscultate properly, yet advise to get a cheap steth...I'm sensing something uncomforting here.
I am about 120% positive I'd rather buy a good 3M Littmann Cardio III and take my chances than buy a $20 steth that I turns out to be a waste of money and a setback to my education. I'm trying to learn proper skills here people!!! I've looked into Welch Allyn steths and a few others, but I'm still pretty set on the Littmann CIII. I compared it to the Classic II S.E. and even with untrained ears I could definitely tell a difference...that or I'm crazy. I felt the Cardio III had a better quality sound and a bit louder...again, untrained ears here so maybe I am just crazy.
But seriously, I really want to splurge on this freaking stethoscope sooo bad. But I have not even started nursing school yet. People will look at me during clinicals and think "What the fuck is she thinking? Buying a $170 steth and the bitch is still in school?" Or "She thinks that steth will be a good investment until she flunks out of nursing school and it becomes a paperweight." but honestly my biggest problem with the purchase is I want to get it engraved but just having a first initial and last name looks ridiculous to me. Because there it has no status or meaning. But then again those nurses worked their asses of for their title so I guess I'll earn my badge as well. FUUUUDGE DONKEY.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
...my green grass brings all the cows in the yard
No, Seriously, it's 7:19am, C is asleep in bed and a few of the cows broke in the yard for their delightful breakfast of our fresh short-cut grass because APPARENTLY the other 200 acres of grass isn't palatable enough for their babied asses.Not to mention Rupp, our Cocker Spaniel/Poodle mix is barking so
I get to chase cows out of our yard to hush him up...
7:30 Cows out...finally.
Anyway. I am not a nurse...yet. I'm just one of those kids (adult with a family in my case) that got accepted into nursing school and the wait for fall semester is becoming unbearable. I complain a lot and in today's case the nursing supply list is on my bad side. As follows:
1. 5 1/2" surgical shears -seriously...no other description than that, I mean they've listed out everything with such precise detail and specificity that this seems like a trick purchase. I mean...seriously? Color doesn't matter? No
WHAT THE F**K! Apparently our calves are ridiculously talented at opening gates. We now have 4 calves in the yard, again, and two of them are getting frisky by the window...not cool.
Nevermind...make that six. All of which decided to huddle by our Rose of Sharon bushes...I swear one attempted to eat the siding off of the house.
Gotta love farm life. Pretty soon I'm sure I'll forget what it's all about...for the next few years, at least!
I get to chase cows out of our yard to hush him up...
7:30 Cows out...finally.
Anyway. I am not a nurse...yet. I'm just one of those kids (adult with a family in my case) that got accepted into nursing school and the wait for fall semester is becoming unbearable. I complain a lot and in today's case the nursing supply list is on my bad side. As follows:
1. 5 1/2" surgical shears -seriously...no other description than that, I mean they've listed out everything with such precise detail and specificity that this seems like a trick purchase. I mean...seriously? Color doesn't matter? No
WHAT THE F**K! Apparently our calves are ridiculously talented at opening gates. We now have 4 calves in the yard, again, and two of them are getting frisky by the window...not cool.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)